Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Randomize
