If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
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