you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Randomize
