I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
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