she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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