There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
