a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Randomize
