I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
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