I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
As shirtless as possible
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
