At least make sure they are 18
Why
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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