She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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