you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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