I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
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