we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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