went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
