Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Randomize
