i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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