I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Randomize
