Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
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