i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
