I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Are my feet made of real feet?
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I'm always down for nudity.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
