I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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