omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
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