Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
