I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
