From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
