woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
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