I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
