can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
