No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize