My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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