I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Your cock deserves a montage
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
