those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
