five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
