one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
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