my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Randomize
