I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
She even gives head with a lisp.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
So squirting runs in the family.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
