My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
dude i'm inner monologue high
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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