i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
