a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
