I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
