this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Four minutes until I can fart!
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
