What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
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