i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
