I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Duck Duck Cougar?
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
