I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
