This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
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