i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of j�ger and an empty bed here Friday.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
