Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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