...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
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