Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
We have so much sex to catch up on
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
