Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
