I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
