Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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