I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
