Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
