return my video game
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize
