he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
